Long Live the King

1) Valen Shepard, the only child of a still unknown couple, grew up in the harsh environment of Earth’s slums. Abandoned as a baby, Valen was previously a ward of the state, a burden to society, and a wanted criminal long before he grew into the very capable Commander Shepard. As a result of a troubled youth spent running with gangs, Shepard grew to be a confident and powerful, yet equally abrasive, young man. Distrustful and emotionally stunted, he often fails to pick up on social cues. As such, the Normandy’s crew makes sure to always speak loudly, plainly, and in complete monotone when addressing their socially challenged commander. Even as a thirty-something year old man, he still fails to grasp the concepts of tact and subtlety. 

Deemed “anti-fun” by Joker, Shepard has strictly forbidden extended breaks and obstructive fraternization on his ship. Instead, there is only work- limitless, tedious, and difficult work. He plays the part of the slave driver well, only because he remembers how it felt to be the slave. Growing up in harsh conditions, he found himself at the mercy of the Tenth Street Reds more often than he would care to remember. He does, however, admit that their brutality and their mistreatment of him turned him into a capable leader with the ability to work tirelessly with minimal food and rest for weeks on end in order to complete his missions no matter the cost. He simply wishes to instill those values unto his own “underlings,” just like his former gang leader once had for him.  

Shepard lost his right eye as punishment for crossing said leader many years ago. As such, he was trained as a vanguard since his youth, specializing in close combat simply because, as a common gang member, he could never afford an effective cybernetic implant. Upon joining the Alliance navy, the medics removed his glass eye and replaced it with the current model that restored his vision. Even after the replacement, however, Shepard still struggled with long range combat. 

Although nobody in the Alliance military is ever foolish enough to bring it up, it took Shepard five tries to pass his firearms qualification exam. Even then, he passed with the bare minimum score and became the laughingstock of the academy for weeks until he snapped and threw a full powered biotic punch straight at a soldier’s jaw.

He would have been dishonorably discharged, it is widely believed, if not for Anderson’s intervention. For some strange reason that nobody could ever understand, Anderson has looked after Shepard since the very beginning of his enlistment. Just as he kept Shepard out of trouble during the violent incident as a new recruit, he also ensured that Shepard would not be held accountable for the massacre on Torfan. No matter how selfish and needlessly cruel Shepard seem, there is absolutely nothing that he wouldn’t do for his old mentor.

2) I have a thing for douchebag characters. Not to mention that accent! 

3) Though I know it’s a horribly common sentiment, I love the concept of the hanar, from their appearance to their movements, to their speech patterns. Yahg come in as a close second. 

4) It’s just a poster and some candles, he said. It’s very tasteful, he said.

5) Seriously, though, he romanced Liara. 

During their melding process, she was able to see and understand everything that he endured during his youth without him ever having to speak a word. Although she felt that his past could never justify the worst of his behaviors, she felt as though it could explain it. Thus, despite his abrasiveness, she always treated him with respect and dignity, and without pity, which is all he could ever ask for. 

Although he publicly denies his relationship and treats Liara like any of the other member of his crew, Shepard opens up only to her. He loves her, though he still hates to admit it and will always deny the relationship if asked. 

His secret (and absolutely humiliating) life goal is to become the ambiguously brown father to a litter of little blue daughters. If asked, he will also deny any desire to have children.

None of this confusing, embarrassing, and tender emotion, however, stopped Shepard from taking Wrex to the casino instead of the love of his life. Brogans before hogans. Always.

6) I don’t care if her very small contribution of war assets is the only thing standing between me and beating the game. Diana Allers is not joining the Normandy crew.

7) With his background, his squinty eye, and his permanent frown, Shepard was doomed to a life of renegade decisions from the very start. 

8) Honestly, the photoshop was so lazily and horribly done that at first, I thought the official picture of Tali was a joke. I was so disappointed; Bioware could have done a lot more with the Quarians.

9) No explanation necessary.

10) Is it incest or masturbation? You decide.

Reblog - Posted 1 day ago with 8 notes
tagged as → #mass effect #shepard #wrex #javik #HANAR

tactful-kind-daedra:

why follow other blogs when you already follow kg, the best of them all?
[[Sorry i don’t like talking to smelly losers~]]

((no need to follow anyone, then. everybody has their own unique stank. it’s like a fingerprint.))

Reblog - Posted 3 days ago - via / Source with 2 notes

"My, my! If it isn’t the little princeling with his gigantic ass."

"You remind me about that every day, Gangrel, and honestly, that joke is just plain old. It doesn’t bother me anymore. It hasn’t for years! I’ve always known that my derriere was a little pudgier than the average Ylissean’s, but let me tell you this- you cannot shame me! Better men than you have tried to break me without success! You can’t tell me anything that I haven’t already heard!"

"Sure I can- I love you."

Reblog - Posted 3 days ago with 6 notes
tagged as → #gangrel #just gangrel things
Anonymous asked: But can you twerk that royal ass?

"Sweetheart, please. I grew up in a lower class neighborhood renowned for its filth and its 97% unemployment rate. 

I learned the art of the trashy twerk decades ago, even before it was given a proper name! Even during my years as Plegia’s king, I’ve never once forgotten how to shake my ass like a rebellious teenage girl trying to prove to the world just how unique, empowered, and special she is. 

More like special ed.

Can I twerk? Yes. Should I? Well, the Ylisseans would either go blind, kill themselves, or fall in love.

So you tell me.”

Reblog - Posted 4 days ago with 10 notes
So. I have a ton of DVDs and Nendoroids, and I would like to get rid of them. Would anybody be interested in buying one and/or taking art requests for them?

DVDs I have:

  • Breaking Bad season 5
  • Supernatural Seasons 3-8
  • The Walking Dead season 1
  • House of Cards season 1
  • South Park seasons 1-12
  • American Horror Story season 2
  • Family Guy seasons 1-8
  • Futurama seasons 1 and 2

Nendoroids I have:

  • Priecia
  • Imoko Shishido 
  • Light
  • Nao
  • Kureha

Other Random Things that I Have

  • Ezio white edition figure from the collector’s edition of Assassin’s Creed II
  • Play Arts Devil May Cry 4 Nero

Reblog - Posted 4 days ago with 4 notes
Anonymous asked: So you're telling me that you're NOT trying to get an heir more fit for the throne than Salah?

"Well that’s…

It shouldn’t be too difficult. To be completely honest, I can’t even begin to fathom a child somehow being less competent than Salah. The poor boy has trouble traversing through the palace on his own; he claims that doorknobs are too confusing.

And he always forgets which end to put in his mouth when brushing his teeth.

He’s… He’s just…

Oh, it’s a good thing he’s pretty.”

Reblog - Posted 4 days ago with 2 notes
Anonymous asked: Is it true that you're bedding every whore you see in hopes you can produce a more suitable heir

image

"No. I poke holes in condoms only because I happen to get a kick out of it. Consider it a hobby of mine. Perhaps you have even heard of my most recent project: a wonderful little game that I call ‘Around the World in Eighty Lays.’

I’ve made it a goal of mine to spread my particular strain of herpes, along with a colorful assortment of other diseases, throughout the world’s population within a limited time frame. If some women happen to catch the worst disease of all, pregnancy, well, I fail to see how any of that is my problem.

After all, is it not the duty of wealthy fathers to abandon their offspring and cut off all financial and emotional support to the mother in their time of need? It is simply the way of the Plegian monarchy.”

Reblog - Posted 4 days ago with 3 notes
twinkle-nebula:

from fe 69min’s meme theme

twinkle-nebula:

from fe 69min’s meme theme

Reblog - Posted 5 days ago - via / Source with 499 notes
tagged as → #what now?
keenandfulloftricks asked: "Is it true that you and Aversa mock one another openly throughout the day? Even on the battle field??"

"We do! 

Ah, but it’s nothing personal. I love that filthy, putrid, disease-ridden, stretched out old skank, and she loves her Ganny in return.

Even if we scold and belittle each other in public, we actually get along quite swimmingly, if I do say so myself.”

Reblog - Posted 6 days ago with 2 notes
Anonymous asked: Is it true that you wear a pink bedazzled thong!?

Reblog - Posted 1 week ago with 9 notes